Fortress of Faith: Study Four- Foundation of Love

"1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13 v 1-13

In our first three studies, we have been speaking of love being the foundation to our Fortress of Faith. However, what does that mean? As a woman in the military, as a Christian woman, are we truly living a life of love, or are we merely doing and saying what we think we should as a Christian?

This week we are going to discuss verse 5:
 "5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

 

Wow!  Women of Faith!  What a difficult verse this is for most of us!  At first glance, we can all just blow it off.  At first glance, we can all deny that we do these things.  Yet, if we are honest to Him and to ourselves, we can take each section of this verse and use it as a mirror reflecting how poorly we pass on the love that had been given to us.

 

For this study, I will share my own struggles with this verse.  I still struggle with dishonoring others, with being selfish, with being angry for no good reason, and with keeping a tally of all the wrongs people have done to me.  I am going to lay myself bare for you ladies, in hopes that if you can relate, you will know you are not alone, and that there is no shame here- but there IS hope!  From all my own struggles, I know that I can lean on Him, and He helps me through them with His never-ending love, grace, and mercy.... So much so that I am seeing changes in the way I react to people and how they interact with me.

 

Let me start with my struggle with dishonoring others.  First, let me share that I am an introvert.  I prefer to be on my own.  Even in social settings, I prefer to be the social stigma- the wallflower.  That is where I am happiest and most comfortable.  However, there is a part of me that wants to be in the center of the biggest crowd and feel like I belong there.  My problem is that when this desire to be included hits, I often carry it too far- saying and doing things that I think will help me be included in the group.  This would not be a bad thing if I were joining in singing and praising Him and His word, or if I was being an encourager.  However, I always seem to get sucked into a group of women bent on gossip, rumor, and drama.  Then I find myself contributing to that gossip, rumor, and drama. 

 

Since moving to our current location, I have been deeply convicted of the damage done by gossip, rumor, and drama- and by women's tendency to jump right in!  I have spent the past four years struggling, not just in coffee groups in the mornings, but also in Bible Study groups, and even in one-on-ones with close friends, to stop gossip, to pay no attention to rumor, to keep out of the drama.  I struggle with this.  It is so easy to contribute to all this- even knowing that I am hurting someone.  I may never see the effects of my additions, but every time I add to gossip and rumor, I am contributing to someone else's perspective of the person of our conversation.  I am tainting the way the person I shared this gossip with will view that person the next time they interact with them.  I am dishonoring that person AND the relationship I have with the person I shared the gossip with, just as I am dishonoring myself, and my own relationship with Christ.  As a result of the conviction I feel concerning this, I have mostly drawn myself away from those groups and those people where I struggle with this most.  I have not cut them off- it is not those women's fault.  I love them, and I know they love me.  However, until I can learn to hold my tongue and learn to steer conversations away from dishonoring others, I have pulled myself away from that temptation. 

 

If you struggle with gossip, rumor, and drama in your life, the way He wishes you to deal with this may be different than the way He is having me handle mine.  Think on this and pray about it.  How would you cut those dishonoring acts from your life? 

 

Love is not self-seeking.  Ahem.  Love is not selfish.  Oh, how easy it is to be selfish!  Society keeps telling us that we need to reward ourselves, we need to take care of ourselves first.  However, this is another fine line we women have to walk.  Women in the military especially.  You have a responsibility to put others first, whether stateside in our normal jobs, or overseas where lives could be on the line.  Military spouses also have that responsibility to put others first: their spouse who is sacrificing so much to be in the military, their children who suffer through numerous moves, deployments, and other military struggles.  We women spend so much time taking care of everything and everyone, it is natural to wonder when is someone going to take care of us?  And there lies the danger. 

 

Women, we ARE being taken care of!  We draw our strength from Him!  He is the one that helps us carry the huge burdens we have.  So long as we look at Him as we serve others before ourselves, you will notice that the burdens are not so heavy.  But pay attention!  As soon as you take your eyes off of Him, as soon as you start to dwell on society's idea that you need to put yourself first in order to take better care of others, you will feel the burdens get heavier, and you will begin to feel overwhelmed.

 

Society's take on helping others:

-you must help yourself before you can help others

-you deserve notice, accolades, and rewards for the work you have done

 

How this takes your eyes off of Him:

-you begin to desire commendation for all your hard work. 

-you begin to fall into the mentality that if you cannot do something for yourself than you won't be able to help others

 

Lately, I have even seen Bible Studies encouraging women to "take care of yourself first."  Yet, nowhere in the Bible have I seen Him say that we need to do this beyond first spending time in His Word or talking to Him.  No matter how I help myself first, I am never strong enough to offer lasting help to others on my own.  If I sink into the "help myself" attitude, I remove the love and strength He gave me from the equation.  If I seek to do things for myself first, I cannot effectively share His love with others.

 

As hard as it is, the following acronym "JOY" seems to sum up the best way to share His love and where we fall into the equation.

Jesus

Others

You

 

Remember, our rewards from Him are eternal!  Rewards from our fellow man are fleeting and will be forgotten in time.  We may never see the rewards for acting selflessly while we are here on Earth.  Yet, we are promised to see eternal life, eternal love~ is that not prize enough for acting in His Love?

 

Love is not easily angered.  Easier said than done sometimes- am I right?  When we get angry, we find it so easy to justify our anger.  If our kids only did as they were asked, if our spouses only did what they said they were going to, if our coworkers only minded their own business, if our leadership only followed through, if everyone else only never messed up- we would have no reason to get angry!  Right? 

 

Wrong.  Anger is a human emotion.  It is normal for us, as is sadness, happiness, and fear.  However, we need to learn to control our reactions to the anger we feel.  When we are filled with the love of Christ, it does not matter how often we get angry, what matters is how we channel that anger.  As we grip onto His love, we should start to see that those things that angered us do not affect us as strongly anymore. 

 

My hubby was normally a hot-headed guy.  Earlier this year, his quick temper began to put a real strain on our relationship and on his relationships with friends and coworkers.  But then early this summer, he had an awakening.  He rediscovered our Lord's love for him.  It was very surreal for me to see my hubby change so dramatically.  He used to get irate over the littlest things- I wash laundry different than he does- that drove him crazy!  Now, he still comments on our different ways of doing things, but he is no longer angry about that.  He and I are both procrastinators, to the extreme, and when we would be getting ready to go somewhere, he would get angry in the rush to find something that needed to go with us.  Now, he still rushes around, but the vibes coming from him are not angry, just rushed.  My hubby is the perfect, living example of how God's Love in our lives changes our hearts, our minds, and ultimately our actions and reactions.

 

Do you find yourself angry over the silliest things?  Do you find it hard to keep that anger from boiling over into your relationships, your workplace, your home?  As a Christian woman, can you pick a favorite Bible verse and make it a mantra?  Don't count to ten- make that verse a prayer!  Turn your eyes away from the thing that caused your anger; turn your eyes to His face and His love!  Find that love in your heart and take the bite out of anger.

 

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  Now the stereotype that men hold for most women is that men can't mess up because if they do, we will throw that mistake, plus every single thing they have EVER done wrong, right in their face.  From experience, I know that this is true.  But why do we do this?  We don't just do this with our significant others, we do this with our friends, with our coworkers, with our bosses, even with our leadership at church!  How is this showing love?  Now, I have spoken to some who claim that in the heat of the argument, when we want so desperately to be "right," we so desperately want to be "right' that we will dig anything and everything up just to gain that satisfaction.  Is this true?  I do not know.  However, I have seen how horrible the fights are that dig up every past mistake. 

 

I grew up in a home where fighting between my parents happened every single day.  I heard them both dig up every single past mistake and throw it in each other's face.  I witnessed an argument go from something that could have been resolved with a few kind words and maybe an apology, maybe some patience, to something ugly, hurtful, and down right hateful.  For many, many years, I thought my parents hated each other.  The meanness displayed in their arguing had me convinced that their marriage would never last once my sibling and I moved out.  Never once did I see one of them show love, patience, or grace toward each other when a mistake was made.  Instead, they seemed to thrive on the anger and arguing.  I made those experiences my example of what not to do in my own relationships.

 

I know how easy it is to keep a record of wrongs.  However, I know from experience, that with prayer, His Word, and His help, you can make it a practice to let those wrongs go.  This works so well, that while I can remember being upset with someone, later that day, certainly the next day, I could not tell you why I was upset with them.  I long ago decided that hurt feelings over silly mistakes are not worth the pain to me, or to the one I care about.  I learned from my parent's mistakes with each other, that there lives within me the ability, through His love, to forgive and let go before the mistake becomes a problem.

 

Can you think of someone who you no longer are around because the list of wrongs became too long that you thought you could not forgive?   Can you think of a way to still show that person you love them in Christ, even if you do not feel ready to forgive?  Remember forgiving and letting go does NOT mean to forgive and forget.  Some wrongs will never be forgotten, and some times we are hurt by people who we need to cut from our lives---in those instances, pray deeply and rely on His guidance to show you the right way to deal with those situations.  However, do not let those situations alter how you love others!

 

To wrap up- Ladies, we are attached to the military in way or another.  The Military way of life is our opportunity to share His love, grace, and mercy.  Let us show His love by honoring one another.  Let us share his love by putting Him and others first.  Let us show His patience by being slow to anger.  Let us live in forgiveness and let past mistakes be in the past, where they belong.  Let us love each other and others the way that He loves us!

 

God bless you!

~C. Borden

 

Related passages:

Psalm 62 v 5-12

Romans 12 v 9-11

Ephesians 4 v 25-32

Ecclesiastes 7 v 8-10

James 1 v 19-21

 

Copyright © 2012 C.H.Borden